Some days...

Sometimes, there are days when the pressure of all the Things You Have To Do just overwhelms you until you want to throw up. Sometimes no matter how many times you calculate and subtract and divide, there aren't enough hours to even just breathe. There are days when the weight of your stress makes you want to sit in a corner and cry, even though you know that won't help in the slightest.

I've been having a lot of those days lately. To be honest, it's every day. Feeling like I'm going to throw up, crying for no reason or a lot of reasons, being stressed to the point of distraction. I know why I'm stressed--I keep a list--but it's been frustrating to feel like no matter what I do, the list won't get any shorter. It's going to drown me no matter how hard I keep kicking.

But then there are days that people love you and make you laugh and understand that you're stressed without saying anything. Days when your husband and brothers make you a bed frame so you can get your mattress off the floor, and your sister and best friend make dinner and clean your kitchen, and even though you are in a cranky, crappy mood and have to isolate yourself away from everyone to do your homework and the ward newsletter and can't help with anything, they understand. They don't make you feel guilty--that feeling comes from only you--and they overlook your bad mood. And then they make you laugh, which is perhaps the kindest thing they could ever do.

Being stressed out like I have been is very lonely. You feel like you alone have to do it all and you alone know how much you have to do. But then there are days when people remind you that they remember what you have on your plate without you saying anything and they understand your stress. And that is the best feeling of all. After that, the things on The List are still there, but they weigh a little less.

So to the people who did not shun me for the palpable feeling of panic I was exuding yesterday, thank you. I love you all. And I promise to be in a better mood the next time I see you.