A tribute to Girls' Night

I got to go to a girls' night recently and since then, I've been thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to have the friends I do. So, a tribute:

"Breaking the plane" in Capitol Reef, pretty much our favorite place on earth.

I have been friends with Natalie since the 7th grade. We had P.E. together, and by golly, that's a bonding experience if ever there is one. We didn't see much more of each other under the 10th grade when we had P.E. together again, but we were also working together at the Orem library by then too. And that's all it took to discover that we were kindred spirits and best friends. Natalie was my go-to friend for everything in high school, and then we were roommates for the first two years of college. We've seen each other at our bests and our worsts, through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, through rehearsals and long work shifts and broken hearts and engagements and babies. I am always grateful for Natalie and I wish she didn't live so far away from me so we could get together more. I always need more of her in my life.

Me, Shelly, Natalie, Manda

When I re-met Natalie in high school, she introduced me to a crazy group of theater friends including Manda and Shelly. Manda was in P.E. with us and I don't remember the very first time I met her, but I remember walking the track with the three of us singing show tunes and making up our own lyrics - another kindred spirit, clearly. And one of my first memories of Shelly was getting a ride home from her and her swerving wildly to avoid hitting a bird that swooped in front of the car. But soon I got to know her and realize that she was another sister in the form of a friend. The four of us were so close, with inside jokes and shared secrets and support every single day of high school. We liked the same boys, talked about it, and still managed to stay close, good friends. I recognize now (and I did then, too, to some extent) how rare a blessing it is to have friends like I did. After high school we went in different directions a little bit, but every time we're in the same place at the same time, we get together and gab like we're still in high school.

All four of us at the Hill Cumorah Pageant taking an official "family" photo.

I met Jen during 11th grade (she was in 10th grade) in Women's Chorus. We had gone to the same junior high but hadn't really known each other, but through choir and theater and mutual friends, we became good friends. We didn't see much of each other after high school for a while but then we started hanging out more and before we knew it, we were roommates during my last year at BYU. She's been one of my best friends ever since. 

Me and Jen waiting in line to buy Breaking Dawn because we're awesome like that. Don't worry, we have our Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts on. We're so cool.

At this most recent girls' night, I had to bring Georgie which meant that I spent most of the night being a mom and not really getting to just hang out and relax. Being there wasn't really what I needed that night, but I thought a lot about what girls' night is about. It's about having fun, certainly, but it's more than that. I noticed how our conversations have changed since high school. I was/am so in awe of my friends and the women they/we have become. We talked about things that mattered to us, from our kids to natural birth to heartache to being Mormons and feminists and what that actually means. We openly shared opinions and ideas and perspectives and I think we are better for it. That is was girls' night is and what it should be. This is what sisterhood is. I am so incredibly lucky to have these sisters as part of my life and I'm so grateful for the occasional girls' night. It's such a restoring experience to share time with people who have become such integral parts of my story. I love you, girls!

Falling straight into winter

In true Utah fashion, our fall season seems to have ended already. When September started, there was a sudden though undramatic drop in temperatures: instead of being in the 90s every day, temperatures stayed in the 70s and 80s through the entire month. It was lovely, and only just cool enough for the leaves in the higher altitudes (aka on the mountains) to start turning beautiful colors. Every day brought a little more red and orange and gold to the horizon.

Then, three days into October, we had a much more dramatic weather shift (because clearly, the weather follows the calendar). We dropped to temperature highs in the 50s and several days of rain and snow (!!). It supposed to be a little less wet and a little warmer this week, but I think winter is on its way in.

That didn't stop us from going up the canyon for a picnic though!





Thanks everyone for coming! I had fun, even if I was very very cold by the end of the night. We shall see what the next few weeks of "fall" have in store...

Thank goodness for girls' nights

The other night I was with some of my friends for a semi-impromtu girls' night - nothing fancy, just a few treats and some catching up. It was good to see them, and even more good to plan for our next get-together. But I had a moment of clarity during the evening that I wish I fully put into words. This moment happened as I was listening to one of my girlfriends talk about the challenges she's facing right now and it allowed me to see all of us a little more clearly. I saw how we're all struggling with different things and how we're all in different places in our lives, but that it's a time of growth for all of us.

It was not a happy realization, or a sad one; it didn't make me grateful or pleased or discouraged. It was just...clarity. It wasn't a "Everyone struggles, even if you don't see it" epiphany and it wasn't quite a "We're all in this together" realization either. I just could see how our friendships had changed and grown as our lives have taken us on different courses, but how we're still friends and how girls' night is a safe place to share the things we're struggling with. We really are in every stage of life - married with two kids, married and expecting a second kid, married with no kids, single and working, single and looking for a job. We've completed different levels of education, we have different personalities, we have different ways of approaching the things that challenge us, but we're all in the same state of facing our individual challenges.

In my moment of seeing clearly, I guess what I really saw is that even though we're all struggling with very different things, we're all on our way to bigger and better things. This is a transition time for each of us, though what we're transitioning to isn't always clear and it definitely isn't the same thing. And the changes that are taking place are good reason for these girls' nights, no matter how impromptu, thrown together, or short they may be. We all need someplace to unwind and hopefully, if my moment of clarity was any indication, get some perspective. After all, and as we always said in high school, it's the little things in life that make living so grand.

Some days...

Sometimes, there are days when the pressure of all the Things You Have To Do just overwhelms you until you want to throw up. Sometimes no matter how many times you calculate and subtract and divide, there aren't enough hours to even just breathe. There are days when the weight of your stress makes you want to sit in a corner and cry, even though you know that won't help in the slightest.

I've been having a lot of those days lately. To be honest, it's every day. Feeling like I'm going to throw up, crying for no reason or a lot of reasons, being stressed to the point of distraction. I know why I'm stressed--I keep a list--but it's been frustrating to feel like no matter what I do, the list won't get any shorter. It's going to drown me no matter how hard I keep kicking.

But then there are days that people love you and make you laugh and understand that you're stressed without saying anything. Days when your husband and brothers make you a bed frame so you can get your mattress off the floor, and your sister and best friend make dinner and clean your kitchen, and even though you are in a cranky, crappy mood and have to isolate yourself away from everyone to do your homework and the ward newsletter and can't help with anything, they understand. They don't make you feel guilty--that feeling comes from only you--and they overlook your bad mood. And then they make you laugh, which is perhaps the kindest thing they could ever do.

Being stressed out like I have been is very lonely. You feel like you alone have to do it all and you alone know how much you have to do. But then there are days when people remind you that they remember what you have on your plate without you saying anything and they understand your stress. And that is the best feeling of all. After that, the things on The List are still there, but they weigh a little less.

So to the people who did not shun me for the palpable feeling of panic I was exuding yesterday, thank you. I love you all. And I promise to be in a better mood the next time I see you.