Fall: Take 2

The warmer weather returned long enough for us to get some more dazzling fall colors. The brilliant reds and yellows on the mountains has drained into the valley trees and the sidewalks are starting to host piles of crunchy leaves. Even the trees still tenaciously hanging on to their green are edged with gold when the afternoon light starts to slant.


I am once again homesick for Pittsburgh and the beautiful "back East" that I know is experiencing all the glories of our fall, times a thousand. But I am grateful for what we have here, however brief it may be. I love watching the progression of the season - the way the leaves turn one at a time, then all at once, the way you can see every stage of autumn in a row of trees from summer green to almost bare. and I love the beautiful shade of blue against the bright reds and yellows. Sometimes I really think that color must have been invented during the fall.

About this time of year...

...when the mountains are flecked with red and the days are cooling off and everything is starting to look a little faded, I get crazy homesick for Pittsburgh.

I thought I knew what autumn was when I moved out to Pittsburgh. Heck, I thought I knew what trees were. Come to find out, I had no idea. About either.

Fall in Utah is usually an event that lasts a couple of weeks but fades quickly. Back East, Fall is a process. The leaves keep their green until all of a sudden, they burst into color, vibrant and very alive. Color seeps into the trees one leaf, one branch at a time in a dizzyingly beautiful process. Nothing fades until after weeks of kaleidoscope landscapes, miles of trees in every shade and hue between maroon and apple green. Everything is vivid and bright and showy, and everything is beautiful. For someone who can't get enough of picturesque landscapes (or enough photos), it was heaven.

I realized this morning that my homesickness is fitting right now for another reason: it was exactly two years ago that I realized Pittsburgh had become home. I'd been there for one full month and I spent most of that time trying to adjust and figure out where and who I was. But then, one beautiful September afternoon as I walked home from school, I realized that I was happy. Something had clicked, and I was home. And then, about a week later, I realized I wanted to marry Tim and I'd have to leave this new home much sooner than I'd expected. I have never regretted that decision, but I do miss Pittsburgh sometimes.

I love my Utah home and mountains and I wouldn't trade them for anything...except maybe, some days, for an East coast autumn.

Graduation

Yesterday was my last official day of class...ever. I'm finally, completely, thoroughly, one hundred percent-ly done with school, possibly forever. (I reserve the right to go back if I want to...someday.) It's a strange feeling to be done, to know that I may never be a student again, that all my time spent in classrooms from here on out will be in a teaching capacity, that I can no longer mark "student" when asked for my occupation. It's exhilarating and freeing and forlorn at the same time.

In a week or so, school will start up again at BYU and UVU, and I will not be one of the many people buying books, checking my class schedule, reading syllabuses, and resigning myself to another semester of homework and classes. I've been going to school every September since I was 5 years old, and I just turned 24. I've been a student for the last 19 years, and except for the past year when I was also a wife and full-time employee, that was one of my primary identifiers. That word, "student," defined so much about me, and without it, I feel a little unsure of myself.

At the same time, I can't help but rejoice in my freedom and make plans for my newly-open evenings and weekends: learning how to bake bread, finishing that quilt Tim and I started a year ago, organizing photos into photo albums, reading the two dozen or so books that I own but have never read. Yes, I think I may really enjoy not being in school. And of course, I'll be supporting Tim as he slogs through another semester, which will probably make it easier not to miss being in school myself.

I was able to go to my graduation in May in Pittsburgh, thanks to my wonderful and generous parents. Tim and I and my parents flew out a few days early and I got to show them all around the city I called home for a year. We had a lot fun, in spite of the rain (which, really, only completed the true Pittsburgh experience). We ate a ton of really good food (Pamela's, anyone?) and shopped and visited my campus and picked up the bound copies of my thesis. I read at the MFA Graduate Student Reading and visited with old friends and professors. And then Sunday May 23, I went to my graduation where I wore a gown with funny sleeves and a green and purple hood, and I took time to celebrate and be proud of myself. Maybe that's a strange thing to say, but when the President of the University declared us graduated and all the family and friends stood as they clapped and cheered for us, I got teary-eyed as it hit me--I did it. I got my Master's degree. I worked so hard, especially during the year I was also working full-time and writing my thesis, and to have my parents and husband--the people who knew exactly what that degree cost me--stand and clap for me and my accomplishment and all it represented...wow. It was one of the highlights of my life, a moment I don't think I'll ever forget.

Going to my graduation was the perfect celebration. Having a bound copy of my thesis on my bookshelf is just amazing. Being done with my last summer class is so relieving. I did it. It's done, and more than anything else, I am so grateful.