Some lessons learned

One of the best parts of watching General Conference twice a year is that it acts as a kind of checkpoint for me. Whether I have specific questions or not, I get a sense of where I am in my life and a reminder about where my focus should be. I have really enjoyed all the talks this weekend and a few have stood out to me, but not in a "wow that was just for me" way. Mostly I have been nudged toward small insights on how to be a better mother, a better wife, a better disciple of Christ. The gift of General Conference is clarity, and anyone who has ever tried to weary cloudy contacts or glasses can attest just how valuable clarity is. 

I want to live a more deliberate, conscientious, purposeful life. Our lives have been very haphazard over the last few weeks and months. Well, really for the last six months. Time sped up once we had a baby, but my/our ability to keep up seemed to slow down. I blame a lack of sleep and Georgie's lack of schedule in particular. But it's been very wearing to feel like we are only just treading water and each time we get a little respite, another wave comes to threaten our stability. We need to find our rock again and anchor ourselves more strongly to it.

Sometimes the great task of life is to find a balance between all the demands and responsibilities of our time and energy. But I think maybe the first part of balance is finding and organizing priorities. Right now, half of my time is Georgie and the other half is work. Sounds balanced, but the things that should be/are my higher priorities aren't getting adequate time and attention. Like, say, my husband. My relationships. Myself. I truly don't know how other working moms do it, but I recognize that what I'm doing now isn't quite working for me and my family, and I need to make some changes.

A few weeks ago, I got my haircut for the first time since Georgie was born. It was so refreshing to feel pretty again, and as I drove home, I noticed that my thoughts had turned to people I hadn't talked to in a while - friends, cousins, my England girls. I thought about making some phone calls or sending emails, making time to catch up and really talk and listen to these people I care about but don't often get to see. I realized that because I felt happy and taken care of, my natural inclination was to want to reach out to others. Don't worry, I recognized the principle at work: If I take some time for myself, I will have more to give to others. Happiness is something to be shared, something that wants to be shared. And when I get what I need from the day - sleep, productive work time, a content baby - I not only am able to meet others' needs, but I want to. I'm happy to do it, versus feeling overwhelmed, overburdened, and stretched too thin.

All these thoughts feel like they are circling around the same idea - as good as my life is, I can make it better, happier, more fulfilling by planting myself more firmly in the things that are (or should be) my priority. Again, as I type this, I can hear echoes of Conference talks and Sunday school lessons. Maybe that's the real gift of Conference - sparking our thoughts and feelings to reach the conclusions that we needed to discover.