Hello again, little blog of
mine.
I am writing to you, little blog, because you are the receptacle for my memories and photos and bits of life that I want to share. (Sometimes other people read them too, but it's really just to you that I am writing.) I have sadly neglected to keep you in the loop over the last year, but I have some decent reasons.
Yesterday marked one year since Life Happened and things Changed, and now that we are a year down the road with some hindsight/perspective, I am finally feeling like I can start writing through it. Sometimes, when Life Happens, it feels impossible to put into words everything that is happening on the inside of you, and documenting only the things happening on the outside begins to feel inauthentic. And truthfully, I feel like I am still in a muddle a lot of the time, and sharing what I'm muddling through feels like Too Much. But. If there is one thing I've learned from Brene Brown over the last year (bless her), it's that vulnerability leads to connection, and that daring to show up as ourselves is one of the most courageous things we do.
So. As a place for me to pour out all the inside things, here we go, little blog.
Yesterday was one year since Tim was laid off from his intern position at Novell. It marked the beginning of a lot of uncertainty and fear and confusion and stress, as well as some miracles and learning and growth. When I mentioned the anniversary to Tim yesterday, I also added, "I don't miss that job." He very quickly and emphatically agreed. We are both much happier with his current position, in spite of the reduced income it provides us. But a year ago, it was terrifying and bewildering. It was an Ending with an unclear Next Step and marked the beginning of a hard 6+ months of "Now what???"
Additionally, the day before the layoffs was the funeral for my sweet Grandma Black (my mom's mom) and everything that went with that. The day of the layoffs was also the day my Grandpa Black had a stroke and was hospitalized just a few days before his 90th birthday. (He passed away a few short weeks later.) I mean, it was A LOT all at once. Plus we had a one-year-old Rosie just learning to walk and a 2 1/2 year old Georgie who suddenly became unreasonable, demanding, hysterical, and even sometimes mean overnight. Tim finished his last few weeks of a horrible semester that very nearly broke us, emotionally. And I started looking for more work, which was its own story and stress.
But - or rather, "and yet" - the miracles came when we needed them, though they were often disguised as coincidences and timely responses. The parental learning curve began, steep though it was. We worked through a lot of frustration and anger and successfully made some hard decisions. And though in some ways it feels like we're in the very same place as we were a year ago, the process is ongoing as we continue to figure out what we're meant to be doing and where we're meant to be going.
A healing step for me is reviving you, little blog, so I can feel a little more present in my own life again as I try to hold onto what is good about where we are while processing where we've come and figuring out where we want to be. I think I was a bit depressed for a while I don't want to disengage so badly again. So. You up for some confessions, ramblings, and super cute pictures of my kids? Oh good. I knew I could count on you, little blog.
Yours (quite literally), etc.Kate the Wife/Writer/Editor/YW leader/Reader/Player of Games/Organizer of All the Things/Mother of these two silly girls:
I am writing to you, little blog, because you are the receptacle for my memories and photos and bits of life that I want to share. (Sometimes other people read them too, but it's really just to you that I am writing.) I have sadly neglected to keep you in the loop over the last year, but I have some decent reasons.
Yesterday marked one year since Life Happened and things Changed, and now that we are a year down the road with some hindsight/perspective, I am finally feeling like I can start writing through it. Sometimes, when Life Happens, it feels impossible to put into words everything that is happening on the inside of you, and documenting only the things happening on the outside begins to feel inauthentic. And truthfully, I feel like I am still in a muddle a lot of the time, and sharing what I'm muddling through feels like Too Much. But. If there is one thing I've learned from Brene Brown over the last year (bless her), it's that vulnerability leads to connection, and that daring to show up as ourselves is one of the most courageous things we do.
So. As a place for me to pour out all the inside things, here we go, little blog.
Yesterday was one year since Tim was laid off from his intern position at Novell. It marked the beginning of a lot of uncertainty and fear and confusion and stress, as well as some miracles and learning and growth. When I mentioned the anniversary to Tim yesterday, I also added, "I don't miss that job." He very quickly and emphatically agreed. We are both much happier with his current position, in spite of the reduced income it provides us. But a year ago, it was terrifying and bewildering. It was an Ending with an unclear Next Step and marked the beginning of a hard 6+ months of "Now what???"
Additionally, the day before the layoffs was the funeral for my sweet Grandma Black (my mom's mom) and everything that went with that. The day of the layoffs was also the day my Grandpa Black had a stroke and was hospitalized just a few days before his 90th birthday. (He passed away a few short weeks later.) I mean, it was A LOT all at once. Plus we had a one-year-old Rosie just learning to walk and a 2 1/2 year old Georgie who suddenly became unreasonable, demanding, hysterical, and even sometimes mean overnight. Tim finished his last few weeks of a horrible semester that very nearly broke us, emotionally. And I started looking for more work, which was its own story and stress.
But - or rather, "and yet" - the miracles came when we needed them, though they were often disguised as coincidences and timely responses. The parental learning curve began, steep though it was. We worked through a lot of frustration and anger and successfully made some hard decisions. And though in some ways it feels like we're in the very same place as we were a year ago, the process is ongoing as we continue to figure out what we're meant to be doing and where we're meant to be going.
A healing step for me is reviving you, little blog, so I can feel a little more present in my own life again as I try to hold onto what is good about where we are while processing where we've come and figuring out where we want to be. I think I was a bit depressed for a while I don't want to disengage so badly again. So. You up for some confessions, ramblings, and super cute pictures of my kids? Oh good. I knew I could count on you, little blog.
Yours (quite literally), etc.Kate the Wife/Writer/Editor/YW leader/Reader/Player of Games/Organizer of All the Things/Mother of these two silly girls:
Yay!! I'm so happy. And such fortuitous timing. I've been wanting to refresh my blog for the same reasons as you. As a way to hold on to the good.
ReplyDeleteBosom friends. :)
I hope you don't mind if I eavesdrop on your conversations with your blog. ;)
And p.s. Love when you post links to Facebook. I don't keep a blog roll anymore, so I only check on people's blog if they post to Facebook (I get a notification when you post so I always see it), or if they comment on mine (selfish, really--I just couldn't stay on top of everyone's blog). Anyway, so please post a link on Facebook, at least occasionally if not always. :)
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