I had two written blog posts waiting to be finalized - one about how we're having another girl (!!!) and the other about how crazy life has been and all the ups and downs and how we finally moved back down to Provo and how nice it is to have life settled again.
Then life - and death - really happened.
A week ago Friday, we found out my dad's cancer had spread to his liver and lungs. On Saturday we made plans for his care for the next few weeks/months and talked about Christmas. On Sunday morning, my mom called to say we needed to come say goodbye. Tim and I waited for Georgie to wake up and gathered what we'd need to stay the night. We made it to the house by 9:30 am; my dad was gone before 1:30 pm that same day.
I am still reeling from the shock of it all, still discovering what I am feeling. The sadness comes in waves, and the sting of reality hits me at odd times. Still processing. And will be for a while, I'd guess.
For most of last week, while we planned and wrote and cried, I felt so much gratitude. Gratitude for my family, for all the support and love we were receiving, for my dad, for almost seven years beyond his diagnosis, for the gospel, for temples. Gratitude that my dad didn't suffer for long, that he didn't struggle at the end, that we got to be with him, that Tim was prompted to come into the room at just the right moment to be there with me and the rest of the family for those final moments, that my dad is free of pain and impediment and frustration and disease. I was given so much peace, and still am, but the grief is finding a stronger place with me now, too. I expect this week will be harder than the last one, in some ways.
So thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers and kind words. Thank you for your love, for me and my family. Thank you for your support. I can feel it, and I have felt it over the last week. It means so much to me.
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Crying. People always talk about cancer giving people plenty of time to say goodbye but it sounds like you really didn't have much time at all--no wonder you're still processing. I'm so grateful I could hug you in person. Even though I knew your dad had cancer, I was shocked to read your Facebook post. It took several hours before I could even get it together to comment. It was definitely a tender mercy to realize I would soon be coming to Utah and could give you the hug I was so desperately wanting to give you when I read the news. Sometimes I feel like the phrase "keeping you in our prayers" is thrown around in a general sense, synonymous with giving generic sympathies. But I can promise you and your family have very literally been in my prayers, not to mention my heart and thoughts. Wish there was more I could do. Your dad was so special and wonderful. I feel so lucky I got to know him when we were in junior high. I always loved coming to your house--I thought your parents were so great.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand wanting alone time with your extended family and your own little family, especially since you guys just moved and are probably still settling in. Like I said, I'll be here until the Wednesday after Thanksgiving. Call me if you want a friend or a just a distraction. But if not, let's get together when I'm here next summer. Can't believe you'll have another little one! Love you so much, Kate!! You deserve all the love and comfort in the world--I hope you're able to feel it at this difficult time.
Thank you Lisa. And thank you for surprising me at the viewing - that truly was a gift! I'd love to see you again while you're here. Georgie is sick right now somaybe on Sunday/Monday/Tuesday before you go? Let's be in touch.
DeleteHey Kate. So sad and sorry for your whole family. I can't even imagine. I'm thinking of you all the time and hope you're doing okay all things considering. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Paige! I appreciate it. :)
DeleteBeautiful Kate, I just love you and your family. You are so wonderful. I pray that you can feel peace and comfort during this time. I am always happy to help in any way I can. Search for the Lord's tender mercies during this time. I know from personal experience that some of the hardest times of my life also presented some of my strongest, most vivid, and most beautiful spiritual experiences. My love, heart, and prayers go out to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sarah. We've definitely seen and felt some tender mercies during the last week - part of what got us through the week!
DeleteLove you sis. I'm looking forward to all of us being together for Thanksgiving again. It's easier to cope when we're together, I think.
ReplyDeleteLove you too. Definitely easier to be together. Will we see you guys on Thanksgiving or later in the week?
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