Hee Haw Farm in the rain

There are many things to update and many posts waiting for me to finish them and many bits of Life waiting to be documented, so I'm starting from today and working my way back. Stay tuned...

My mom treated her grandbabies (and their parents) to a trip to Hee Haw Farm today. Yes, it was cold, windy, and rainy and yes, we didn't stay for very long, but yes, Georgie (and Rosie) were completely enthralled. Thank you again, Mom! Let's definitely go back!

Nana also babysat for us while we went on a much-needed temple trip; hence Tim's white shirt at a muddy farm.

Petting a baby bunny! Georgie: "Daddy's being so soft!"

My beautiful sister and her darling Eleanor. Doesn't motherhood look good on Rachel?

I remembered to get a picture of me! Rosie: "Point!"

The best part of the experience was going inside the pen with all the goats and sheep. It was so funny (and slightly overwhelming) to watch and listen to them all looking for treats. After a little initial hesitation, Georgie was beyond thrilled to be there. I was so proud of her for being brave enough to get down and close to the animals.

Georgie was having such a good time running back and forth between all the animals that she wouldn't look at the camera for more than two seconds. This was the best I could do with the goats/sheep.

Waving to the pony

Finally a smile (and some ducks)!

Rosie enjoyed everything but her favorite part was the corn pit and she wasted zero time getting the corn kernels into her mouth. 

Sisters!

Right before we left, we checked on the baby pigs. They were sleeping when we first got there, but they'd woken up and Jase bravely chased one down so Georgie could pet it. She talked about it the rest of the night: "Piggies sleeping but then they wake up!"

Happy 1st Birthday to Rosie

Happy happy birthday to our happy happy Rosie girl. You were and are such a gift to us, and we cherish each and every day of your smiles. I can't believe you are already one! Thank you for choosing to come to us when we needed you, and not when it was easy. You have grown so much in the last year, and I cannot wait to see how you grow in the next one. We love you, darling girl!

"Goals" for 2015

I, like many others, love setting goals. Or rather, I love planning, and goal-setting is just another way to make plans. Forget the bass; really, it's all about the organization. "Give me organization, or give me ice cream to help me cope with the chaos!" That's the saying, right?

Anyhow. I, like many others, also have a hard time following through on my elaborate and extensive goal-setting. Usually because once I start thinking of the things I want to do/change/improve/learn, I think of all the things and the list becomes overwhelming, and then one or both of the children start crying and I just skip straight to the ice cream.

So I intensely admire the people who made and posted their New Year's goals, and I intensely want to be that put-together someday. But this year, I recognized that trying to add in more stuff to my life would be futile and frustrating. I am just barely keeping up with the rhythm we've got going, so rather than adding an extra step here or there, I am focusing on improving my dance skills right where I am. (Too much metaphor?) To that end, I made only two officials "goals" for 2015: 

1) Be more present with my kids. Originally, I wanted to spend at least twenty minutes of one-on-one time with each of my girls every day. But between all the getting sick and fluctuating nap schedules, this actually got kind of tricky. So instead of setting a specific timed goal, I just make sure that I connect with my kids every day. Some days, that means that all three of us are playing and laughing and being present together. Other days, that means coloring with Georgie while Rosie naps and snuggling with Rosie before bed. Some days are filled with lots of good moments, and on other days, we (read: I) struggle. I think this might be par for the parenting little kids course, so I am just going to keep at it. I also started keeping a journal solely about the girls, which is helping me focus on the moments of connection. I keep it in the main part of our apartment so anytime Georgie says something funny or brilliant or Rosie does something new, I can jot it down right then and there. It's both sweet and fun, and I definitely recommend this.

2) Make healthier choices. When it comes to setting health goals, there are many many ways I can improve my fitness: losing weight, eating right, drinking water, exercising, getting enough sleep, taking mental health breaks, etc. etc. etc. I tend to feel like I have to do it all or it's wasted effort, which does not motivate me. So this "goal" is just to start taking steps. Scaling back on the ice cream, for example. Noticing what, when, and how much I'm eating. Making it easier to keep track of how much water I drink. I'd love some dedicated exercise time, but I haven't figured out how to make that fit with our routine yet, so for now, I take the girls for walks when the weather is good. I am also trying to make time for myself everyday to preserve my mental and emotional health, and that is still a work in progress. Though blogging is a small step in that direction. (Too bad it comes at the cost of going to bed on time. Baby steps...?)

Easy peasy, right? Almost? Maybe? I guess the truly nice thing about these goals is that every day is a chance to achieve them. Every day I can start over and try again without keeping score. And sometimes, as a mom (and as a human being), that is my mantra. It has to be, really, because otherwise what I feel are my "failures" will haunt me forever. So this is what I tell myself: Every minute is an opportunity to be better, to make a better choice, to be a more patient person, to respond with love instead of frustration or anger. And my hope is that all those better minutes will start to add up to a better person. So I guess that my 2015 goals are as grandiose as I usually make them, after all. They just leave room for some human-ly error along the way. And, of course, for ice cream.

Favorite Things 2, or, Thank goodness January is over

Who else was ready to be done with January like, three weeks ago? I'm soooo over January. After surviving all the crazy of December, we got caught up in the communal sicknesses getting passed around Provo. First Rosie got a nasty cold, then Georgie got the flu (I hope it's a long time before I get to clean up that much poop/throw up again), then I got the flu, then Rosie got an echo of the flu. I ended up getting zero sleep for about two weeks. Meantime, Tim had to interrupt a new semester and work schedule to take days off to take care of us all. It was the worst.

Thankfully, the end of the month got progressively better (Rosie sleeps through the night!) and last week was back to normal with the pleasant addition of daily walks in our new double stroller, thanks to the abnormally warm weather.

And in the spirit of back to normal, I am trying to clear out the blog drafts that I've accumulated over the last three months. And so I present the 2nd edition of Favorite Things, also known as The Gift List:

1. The Little Girl Who Lost Her Name. For her 2nd birthday, Georgie got a personalized book called The Little Girl Who Lost Her Name. Initially we were more excited about it than she was (love love the illustrations!), but it has since become a favorite of hers. Her very favorite part is shouting "GEORGIANA!" at the end of the book when the little girl finds her name again. If you're looking for a fun, personalized gift for a little one, check it out: lostmy.name


2. BabyLit. Probably everyone knows about the BabyLit books, but in case I can be the bringer of fun thing, BabyLit books are classics from literature adapted into board books for babies. Not only are they clever and beautiful, they are actually a great way to introduce kids to these classics. One of my favorite things in the world is to heard Georgie "read" Jabberwocky at bedtime. They are expensive, in my opinion, but our collection is growing all the same: babylit.com


3. Carry On, Warrior. Another Christmas present, one I was really hoping to get. This book is by Glennon Melton, whose blog I started following about six months ago. Her writing is a mix of inspirational, parenting, self-help, and hysterical. I came away feeling so much more secure about being who I really am. She's hilarious and very real and inspiring, and I recommend this book to everyone. Even though a lot of what she writes is specifically for women and moms, I read chunks of her book aloud to Tim and he loved it too, so really, everyone.

4. Walking with the Women of the New Testament. Another Christmas present and another book by a blogger I follow. Heather Farrell writes the Women in the Scriptures blog and I love her insights, so it's no surprise I love her book. It has made me feel so connected to the women of the New Testament, and the historical and cultural information is completely fascinating. I actually haven't finished it yet because I read just a few stories at a time and then digest it all. Lovely, lovely book.

5. eShakti. This fabulous website has dresses/skirts/tops in lots of styles, colors, fabrics, etc., but the coolest part is that you can customize each dress to not only fit you perfectly, but to be as long as you want, have the sleeves and neckline you want, etc. It's awesome. I just ordered my first dress (pictured above, except I added sleeves) and I cannot wait for it to come in the mail!


6. Annie Henrie art. One of the companies I work for it Altus Fine Art, which produces inspirational and LDS art. Through working with them, I became familiar with Annie Henrie's work and I love it! I love the texture and warmth of her style, and I got the painting above, which now hangs where I can see it every day. 

7. Building a fort. My amazing sister-in-law Bekah made us a fort kit for our family gift exchange. Best. Idea. Ever. I make a fort for the girls at least twice a week when it's not quite dinner time and I am done entertaining for the day. Our forts are different every time as we experiment with the best way to make it work, but regardless of how stable or "cool" it is, Georgie and Rosie think it's pretty much the best thing ever, especially once we get the flashlights out.

Christmas-ing

This year, we turned Christmas into a verb. Whenever we got to borrow Tim from his homework/studying/class time to do traditional Christmas activities, we'd say, "Look at us! We're Christmasing!" I was pretty proud of the Christmasing we managed to do before my annual"There's too much to do!" stress-out Christmas-meltdown (the one the causes us to scale back all our elaborate plans), and I am especially proud that I remembered to take pictures of our excursions.

We decided to hit up Provo's Christmas market and inadvertently got there exactly in time for the lighting ceremony. Like, we found an incredibly good parking space, walked over to the huge crowd and they started the ceremony. We could not have possibly timed it better. There was a little skit and then they turned on the lights along Center Street and did fireworks. Georgie was pretty enthralled and it really just delighted us that we were there for it. As a bonus, we found some cool wrapped metal ornaments from one of the vendors.

Then of course, we had to go get pictures taken with Santa, as per Maryon family tradition. (As a side note: This tradition goes back twenty-eight years. My parents took me to see Santa when I was just a few months old, and there is a photo of the kids in my family with Santa every single year since then. Every. Single. Year. This means that there is a photo of me, Tim, Rachel, Jase, and Ethan - as grown ups - visiting Santa at the mall. Ridiculous. But tradition. Luckily, now there are grandchildren to take the fall.) We met up at the Riverwoods with Rachel and Jase and their adorable Eleanor to get a picture of all three girls with Santa. Georgie actually talked to Santa and told him she wanted "Baby Eleanor" for Christmas. And she was absolutely in love with the lights. It was, by far, her favorite part of Christmas in general.

And then for actual Christmas, we stayed home and had my mom sleep over on Christmas Eve. This is the first year that Tim and I have been at our own home for Christmas and we loved it! We also loved getting to play Santa for Georgie. So thrilling (and a little stressful!). 

The girls in their new jammies from my mom.

Christmas morning - Santa brought more Christmas lights that magically appeared in the living room and hall. Santa also brought Georgie a baby doll (which she named Eleanor) and brought both girls a little table and a set of chairs. The table has a dry erase marker top so Georgie can color directly on it. It's been a hit so far!

The rest of the day was busy. We went to my grandparents' house for lunch and presents, then to my mom's for my family's gift exchange and Christmas dinner. It was strange not to get together in the morning, but it worked. And I think it was different enough that it made my dad's absence less glaring. We still shed some tears and wished with all our hearts that he'd been there to take pictures and turn on the music (we never did find the Peggy Lee CD), but it was a new way for us to celebrate together that worked. Overall, it was a really wonderful, long day.

The next day was spent getting ready for Herrick Christmas. Tim's parents rented a townhouse in Cottonwood Heights and we all gathered for a weekend of more celebrating. I didn't take nearly enough photos, but here are all the cousins (minus the babies) lined up and waiting to open their presents:

Doing Christmas for this number of people is a challenge but Tim's parents pull it off spectacularly every year. Here are all the "stockings":

Before the mess. We had the kids open their gifts first, which ended up being a really good idea because it would have been utter chaos to try to hand out and open everything at once. Plus, then the kids had new toys to entertain them the rest of the day. Win!

The adults got to open gifts and play a White Elephant gift game that night while the kiddos watched a movie. It was almost perfect! Tim and I also squeezed in a mission homecoming (my cousin Lizzy) which we sang at and a girls' night (for me) on the Sunday following Christmas. It was a crazy, busy, wild weekend filled with all the best parts of Christmas!

P.S. The painful part of the weekend: Tim and I bravely (stupidly?) decided to try and stay the night at the townhouse. It was our first attempt at sleeping anywhere other than home since the previous Christmas, and the first time as a family of four. Long, sleepless story short, it was a disaster. I mean, we knew it'd be bad, but it was exceptionally bad. The girls normally sleep in separate rooms for a reason. In fact, the only reason they went to bed at all is because we were able to initially put Georgie down in a different room. None of us got anywhere close to a full night's sleep, and I spent most of my time "sleeping" on the floor with Georgie before she woke us all up at 6 am. Awful. The only upside is that it made Rosie extra snuggly the next day and Georgie took a great nap (after fighting me tooth and nail to keep playing, mind you). But between the missed naps, the late nights, and constant stimulation, it took us a solid week or more to recover from the whole Christmas weekend. All I could think was, let's not do that for another year, yeah?

Miss Rosalind is 8, 9, and 10 months old

Time to catch up, starting with Miss Rosalind.

The highlights of Rosie at 8 months (end of November):

Waving! And saying "Haaa" ("Hi" in Rosie-speak)!
Teeth! And more coming!
Army crawling!
Really good at eating solid foods!
Plus getting into everything; not sleeping because of the teething thing; routinely choking on things that do not belong in her mouth (mostly paper); making progress with physical therapy but still fighting me on her stretches every day; and finding new ear-shattering ways to shriek her approval, annoyance, and excitement.

`

The highlights of Rosie at 9 months(end of December):

Crawling!
Sitting up by herself (from her back, she can get up to a sitting position)!
Pulling herself up to standing!
Babbling that's starting to sound like real words!
Still teething, still not sleeping through the night, still waving all the time, ery close to being done with PT, gagging on anything that isn't baby food, drinking from a sippy cup, and growing too fast. Still on the tall side (60% for length) but the skinny side (20% for weight), despite her kissable cheeks. We started putting her in some 12 month clothes - where did my baby go???

And finally, Rosie at 10 months (today!):

Oh the personality. She's got it in spades already. Smiling, happy, persistent, and demanding when she really wants something. 
Rosie uses laughing as a social interaction, not as a reaction. She'll giggle if you tickle her, but what she really loves is when you laugh, and then she laughs, and then you laugh, and so on.
If you asked Rosie, I think she'd say the best part of 10 months is the mobility. She crawls and pulls herself up (then flops back down and starts over) all the day long.
She had her last PT appointment this week! We are supposed to maintain the strengthening exercises but in essence, she is all the way better!
The babbling is taking shape and she most definitely says "Mama" and knows what it means. Makes my heart happy.
She loves loves loves her soft blanket.
She spends all day with a toy in each hand and alternates which one goes in her mouth.
She gets more awake time during the day, which sometimes means I miss her nap window and then we're all sad.
She "sings" along with me, especially when we sing like Ariel (ah-ah-ahhhh) to brush Georgie's teeth.
She smacks her lips and says "Mah!" to blow kisses.
And last but not least...for her 10 month birthday, she celebrated by SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! I had to let her cry it out for three nights and I just about done lost my mind, but we did it. (The first night she worked herself up into hysterical crying that she couldn't stop, even when I finally went in and picked her up. Heartbreaking.) The most amazing part of all is that Georgie slept too, so I got an uninterrupted 7+ hours of sleep! I can count on one hand the number of times that has happened since Rosie was born, so this is momentous.  

Ah, to be 8, 9, and then 10 months old.

Love my Rosie Girl.

That one time when I cried in our Primary class

Today is one year since we held the funeral for my dad. I wasn't going to take note of today, since we set aside last Monday to be sad (the anniversary of my dad's death), but while teaching our Primary class about the resurrection, I became unexpectedly emotional. My initial instinct was to cover up, hold it together, and push forward. But I decided instead to be honest and vulnerable with my little six-year-olds and hope that they responded well. They did, bless their hearts, and as a bonus, I only had one of them consequently share a "My grandma died" story.

I started crying while telling the class about Jesus' friends who took his body and prepared it for burial. It was as I explained to the kids that I was crying because this story is special to me and close to my heart that I realized what today was: A year since we buried my dad. A year since I helped dress his body in preparation. A year since I had reason to know, really and truly know, that death is not the end and I will see my dad again. All because of Christ's resurrection, the very story I was trying to tell them. 

When I made that split-second decision to be vulnerable with my CTR 5 class, I hadn't really understood why my emotions were suddenly at the surface but as I shared with them, it came clear to me. I'm not great at choosing vulnerability over staying at a comfortable distance, but I am so grateful I took that chance today and learned more about myself as a result. And I'm so grateful for the beautiful little souls sitting around me who listened and got very serious when I was crying (instead of joking, getting loud, or trying to distract). As hard as it is to keep them corralled for any amount of time, they really are such great kids. 

I wanted to do something to mark what this time of year means to me and my family, but I don't have any new words to describe it. So instead, I'm posting my talk that I gave at the funeral. It was such a small tribute to a person who influenced me and loved me so much, but I was and am very glad that I can share it.

One of the things I think of first when I think of my dad is his playfulness, especially while growing up. He knew how to play, how to be silly, how to gently tease. Whether it was calling each other silly names like “cheese head” and “green dirt nose” (I was six), chasing him down as he tried to leave for work shouting “Wait, you forgot something – me!”, or having an indoor water fight that my dad initiated, I always knew that I could be playful with him. My cousin Anna remembers a time he was watching all the cousins while the rest of the aunts and uncles were out; when they started to return, he had all the kids lie down and pretend to be asleep and “trick” the rest of the parents. His sense of humor was sometimes subtle, but it was there, and it carried him and us through many times, both good and bad.

Another thing I learned from my dad was the joy of giving and receiving meaningful gifts. He loved to make his kids happy through giving small, thoughtful gifts. Sometimes they came in the form of grocery money (or groceries themselves); sometimes it was a memento of a special time together; often it was unexpected, making the gift even sweeter. A few days before I got married, my dad took me on a daddy-daughter date to get me away from all the stress and planning. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been his first choice to listen to the Young Ambassadors perform at an outdoor concert, but he knew I’d enjoy it and so that’s what we did. It was the perfect escape from that crazy week and an incredible gift to his busy daughter. When my cousin Chrissy got married last year, my mom and Rachel and I bought something off of her registry for the bridal shower (I think we got towels or bath mats?). My dad, however, sent us to the shower with two original works of art that had hung in our home for many years and that were created by Chrissy’s mom, my Aunt Robin. He was always thoughtful, always mindful, always generous in his giving.

One of the most lasting lessons from my dad that I carry with me, often unconsciously, is to be open to what might seem unusual, offbeat, or out of the ordinary. We grew up eating hot dogs and hamburgers, but we also ate tofu and couscous. I learned to play Mozart, Beethoven, and Chopin on the piano, but I also learned to play Three Gymnopedies by French composer Erik Satie. My parents went to Europe and visited the famous Christmas shops. They bought home a beautiful glass ornament, not in the shape of a star or angel or tin soldier, but an operatically large mermaid. More than that, my dad encouraged us to seek out and recognize all that is good in other cultures, beliefs, and traditions. Two small examples: for several years we went to the Cathedral of the Madeline in Salt Lake for their annual Christmas concert; my dad studied both the King James Version of the Bible as well as the New International Version. And it wasn’t just being open to these different things and ideas; it was finding beauty and humor, and truly valuing what they had to offer. I love this lesson, and I love that it has (hopefully) made me a more open, understanding person.

I have learned so much from my dad about appreciating art, listening to all kinds of music, and loving the craft of words, but the last thing I want to share is that I have learned from my father’s example that it is okay to struggle, to question, to not have all the answers. There was a time when my dad really fought to understand the whys and why nots of his diagnosis. He did not accept pre-packaged answers and he searched deeply for understanding and peace. Knowing that he was in that place was a little scary and unsettling to me especially while I was not ready to face my own fears and doubts. I struggled with the fact that I was struggling. It scared me, so I tried to ignore it. I had never before questioned God’s plan for me or my family, never before doubted that He heard and answered our prayers, until cancer was introduced into our story and wouldn’t go away in spite of blessings and prayers and fasting. When I was ready to face my struggles, it helped me to know that my dad was ahead of me on that journey and that he had found a path to peace. I have since made progress on my own path to finding peace and love and understanding. Over the last seven years, I have learned that doubt is not our enemy when it pushes faith to be stronger, and I honor the periods of doubting, faltering, and questioning that brought my dad peace and that have brought me peace.

I sang in choirs for many years and I have found so many songs in the last week that have brought me comfort. This is one of those songs:

And let this feeble body fail and let it faint or die,

My soul shall quit this mournful vale and soar to worlds on high.

O what are all my sufferings here if Lord, thou count me meet

With that enraptured host to appear and worship at thy feet?

Give joy or grief, give ease or pain, take life or friends away

But let me find them all again in that eternal day.

And I’ll sing hallelujah and you’ll sing hallelujah

And we’ll all sing hallelujah when we arrive at home.

There is no doubt in my mind that I will sing Hallelujah with my dad and that we will all sing it together one day. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.